Miss Turner
by MiaMeadows
Summary: "My name is Alice Turner, and though you have probably never heard of me this is, in fact, my story, so if you would like to hear how it really happened, please, read on. However be warned, this will contain spoilers from all the movies, supposedly, of my life."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Carribean, that's Disney's, but I do own Alice, she's all mine.**

My name is Alice Turner. You've probably never heard of me. I'm not surprised to be perfectly honest. Stories always tend to leave out the most important character, especially if she has the unfortunate fate of being a woman. Well I can assure you that I do, in fact, exist, and though you may think you know the story of my life, you are, in effect, mistaken.

My little brother is William Turner and he had been in love with Elizabeth Swan since before I can remember. She was all he ever spoke about and it was infuriatingly annoying when you are trying to learn how to use a sword. I did though, and just for the record I was a far better swordsman than he was, but if he had merely gotten his head out of the clouds and concentrated on what he was doing he would have been far harder to beat.

So anyway, one day these pirates attacked Port Royal right, and I'm getting my sword and my knife ready and Will is saying "Stay here you'll be safe" and I'm thinking, _are you crazy? I'm coming with you._ But I don't say that, I just wait until he leaves and then sneak out the back door and spend the night killing pirates and rescuing children. It was tremendous fun. But then I get home and where is Will? And I'm thinking _oh great; he's gone and got himself killed because he wasn't concentrating on fighting he was thinking about Miss Swan. _

I really don't know what he sees in her, honestly, the girl has no personality. She does have pretty dresses though. What I wouldn't give for one of her pretty dresses. Hey, I may be a sword-fighting blacksmith (though Will claims that _he_ makes all the swords, ha! Good joke Bro) but that doesn't mean that I don't dream of ribbons and corsets and fans. Unfortunately I only have one dress and it is a terrible brown colour, and since I'm a little short on appropriate undergarments I have to wear a pair of Will's breeches underneath – don't tell.

Anyway so I started to run around town looking for Will and I couldn't find him anywhere, seriously. I even checked at the Governor's house but they were a bit annoyed and said something about Elizabeth being kidnapped. So I guess one good thing came out of the pirate attack.

Then who do I spy but Will conversing with a pirate! And not just any pirate but the one that almost choked his beloved Miss Swan and let all of Port Royal see her in her underwear. (I must say I had a little chuckle at that, someone should commend that pirate, who, by the way, is ridiculously attractive.)

So anyway, there is Will sneaking around the docks with a Pirate who seems to be intent on stealing a ship, and not just any ship but the fastest ship in the Caribbean. I must say he has good taste for a pirate. But they have cooked up some hair brained scheme to take it so while they were walking across the bottom of the ocean with a dingy over their heads looking like complete tossers I just snuck on board the Interceptor and waited for them to get her well out to sea before anyone noticed I was there.

I must admit the pirate's plan was pretty genius, and it made the poncy soldiers look like a bunch of idiots in wigs (which let's face it, they are). And off we were to sea before anyone even bothered to check the apple barrel for Will's, more attractive, big sister.

Of course when I did reveal myself (quite by accident, might I add, they were playing some silly game with the boom and they knocked my barrel over) there was a whole lot of "what are you doing here?! You shouldn't have come!" etc and I was all "Well I can't very well go back now" and the pirate, who apparently is called Jack Sparrow got me to climb the rigging and keep a look out, which I am amazing at, by the way.

Then, we finally pulled into Port at Tortuga where I was promptly ordered to "Stay with the ship" which, of course, I did not do.


	2. Chapter 2

So, instead of hanging out in a pigpen all night, I found some sailors, who taught me how to tie proper trucker's hitch knots, gave a black eye to a drunk, who tried to make a pass at me, and managed to swindle a free meal out of a bumbling bartender. All in all I thought it was a pretty productive night. The pirate and Will, on the other hand, managed to employ the services of a man covered in mud who succeeded in gathering together the dregs of a crew. I was not impressed.

But we were soon underway again and following the directions of a dubious compass that no one but the pirate was allowed to look at. I spent most of my time in the crow's nest, mainly to avoid the accumulating smell of the crew who hadn't quite grasped the rather complex concept of daily bathing.

I did find out a few interesting things about our captain though, apparently he survived for weeks on a deserted island, ha! And not to mention managed to sail away on a raft composed of several sea creatures! I almost fell overboard I laughed so much. Will must have been going soft in the head to believe a story like that, though; it had been several days since he had seen his beloved Miss Swan, the pressure was probably getting to him.

Anyway eventually we got to this Isla de Mureta place and it is well creepy, it didn't help any that this mangy parrot wouldn't shut up; it hardly makes for a surreptitious approach. Will and Captain Jack insisted on going alone, _again_, and I was getting more than a little suspicious of their relationship. Poor old Elizabeth. This time I did stay behind, and slaughtered the rest of the crew at poker.

Then what happened? Well I'll tell you, though it is painful to recall. Will, my little brother Will, he traded in our beloved captain for, none other than, his darling Miss Swan who came swanning onto the ship, called us a bunch of pirates and retired to her cabin with a headache. Some gratitude for saving her neck! I was about to go down there and give her a piece of my mind but Will beat me to it and instead of telling her to be a little more grateful and a little less annoying they discussed the fact that our father was a pirate. Of course he was a pirate, man that Will is thick, this obsession with Miss Swan is hazardous to his mental health, I swear. Anyway, Will had a little tantrum and the exchange was interrupted by an announcement that The Black Pearl was on our heels. _Thank god_, thought I, _something to distract the young lovers from whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears._

So then I climbed up the rigging right, and this bit is what makes me really mad, because everyone on deck is freaking out and running around like idiots, so I very calmly call out that since we are shallow on the draft we had to merely head for the shoals, but who heard me? Why only Elizabeth Swan of course, whose head is as empty as an apple barrel, and what does she do? Why she tells Anamaria (who, for the record, assumed that with Jack Sparrow gone she was the new captain) and everyone is all "Wow Elizabeth you're a genius!" But that isn't even the worst of it, because the Black Pearl is still gaining on us, so I yell out "Lower the starboard anchor!" and Elizabeth Swan, whose only attribute seems to be uncannily good hearing, tells the rest of the crew who practically agree to crown her as queen for her amazing knowledge of sailing. I'm sorry, who's the one with a pirate for a father here?

Anyway, to cut a long story short they still shot our beautiful ship to smithereens and while the crew were busy filling the cannons with cutlery (why they kept the cutlery and not the cannon balls is beyond me, especially since none of them even know what cutlery is) I managed to get aboard the Black pearl and spring Captain Jack from jail (though he will tell you it was luck and cunning that got him out. Bastard.) and then, while Elizabeth was busy getting herself kidnapped again (her favourite pastime by all accounts) I had the job of freeing Will from where he had managed to get himself stuck below deck, like the useless little brother he is, and then, while he was busy pretending to kill himself I hid myself away on board the Black Pearl to wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Then, a really hilarious thing happened. Will, bless him, tried his best to make some demands of the pirates (though he conveniently forgot to mention Captain Jack) but instead of saying something like, "Miss Swan is not to be harmed in any way and must be returned to Port Royal promptly after we're through at the Isla de Mureta", he was very vague and said "Elizabeth goes free" so of course they chucked her off the ship, good riddance if you ask me, she did however take the time to prance around in her underclothes again, I swear that girl will take any opportunity to get her kit off. But then what happened? Horror of horrors! Captain Jack was thrown overboard too, and though I was sure he would have survived I felt agonisingly jealous at the thought of Elizabeth Swan being alone on a desert island with _my_ captain. Though I am positive if they had of been there for more than a day he would have shot her just so she would shut up.

So, then, while Will was busy getting himself tied up and Elizabeth was busy trying to set fire to my Captain I busied myself with setting the crew free (though Elizabeth will go to her grave swearing she did it) and then while they were busy deserting us I got left in a row boat and happened to spy Elizabeth dressed in a ridiculous soldier outfit trying to wrestle with a pair of oars. I couldn't let the poor dear go around in circles like that all night, loathsome as she is, so we joined forces and headed into the cave where I managed to dispatch of the few remaining pirates while Will and Elizabeth were making out (though they will tell you quite a different story).

Then Elizabeth, the dear, suggested we all go back to the Interceptor for tea and scones, and I said "don't be daft" because for sure they would arrest my captain and string him up for being a pirate. But no one would listen to me, as usual.

So, we went back to dear little Port Royal and Will devised a cunning (haha) plan to set Captain Jack free, and though I tried to tell him it was impossible he would not be moved. So, all I said was "just get him to the cliff-top and I'll deal with the rest." So I jumped the next ship heading for Tortuga and searched out the remains of our adulterous crew. They were there of course, drowning in rum and ladies' skirts. But I soon set them straight, with a lot of threats and bribery, and somehow managed to round them all up and point them in the direction of Port Royal.

We arrived just in time to see Captain Jack fall into the water and once he was lifted on board I decided I better stick around and make sure the crew didn't mutiny or anything.

We had a wonderful time for a while, and though I wrote to Will whenever I could (which was never) I didn't miss my life as a blacksmith, being a pirate was far more enjoyable. But of course all good things must come to an end. And the good thing was Captain Jack, and the thing that came to an end was the remains of his sanity, oh, and his life.


	4. Chapter 4

So one night we were sailing along fine and dandy, I was up in the crow's nest, as usual, when I sensed something was amiss. And Amiss it was, for with my own eyes I saw my beloved captain talking to a strangely familiar looking man with a starfish stuck to his face. No lie. A legit starfish. Then I noticed that they were talking about me, Jack was saying "your daughter's on board you know." and then I realised why he looked familiar, it was because he was my father. Though he did look a little worse for wear to be sure. But before I had the time to say "Hi Dad" or anything he disappeared leaving the captain looking well put-out. He then proceeded to run about the ship like a lunatic and we ended up stranded on an island where the locals were less than welcoming.

But of course my brother William came to rescue us and by way of his cunning and skill managed to get the whole crew, including his sister, suspended mid-air in a cage made of bones. Perfect. But it was all ok because I had the great idea of swinging the cage back and forth so we could climb up the cliff face. Which we did and it was all very exciting but we managed to escape unscathed. And then! Wonderful news! I found out that Will had left Elizabeth behind in jail! Where she awaited execution! Huzzah, as they say.

So I thought this is fantastic Will had come to join the crew and left Elizabeth at the altar. But, unfortunately, he was only interested in stealing Jack's compass. Which, of course, he failed to do so Jack kicked him off the ship to spend some quality time with our father. We, on the other hand, headed back to Tortuga to round up some people willing to be sacrificed to Davy Jones. Then, while we're there having a good old time who should show up but one of Elizabeth's other fiancés (she collects them) and then Elizabeth herself (to my great agitation), and for the first time ever I was better dressed than her.

So James (the fiancé) points a gun at Captain Jack, my Captain Jack, and this is something that caused my heart to jump straight out of my chest and promptly scurry back in again once it realised that it was certainly not meant to do that. So what did I do? What any girl could do, I tackled him to the ground by slamming my whole body into his. This caused a chain reaction that led to a huge pub fight so the Captain, Gibbs and myself high-tailed it out of there and Elizabeth (because she is an idiot) decided that a rum bottle was a better weapon than her sword (which she no doubt stole along with her ridiculous costume) and hit James over the head with in so she could take advantage of him in the pig pen. At least I think that's what happened; but she might have just tried to steal his clothes too.

Then, things went from bad to worse because Elizabeth and James (who smelt like a wet dog who had been dead for three weeks) decided to join us on the Black Pearl and (under Elizabeth's dubious directions) we headed for an island in the middle of nowhere. Then, somehow, Will found us and he and Elizabeth started to eat each other's faces while James and I dug up the still-beating heart of Davy Jones (did I mention that's what we were looking for?) And then the boys had an attack of testosterone and started trying to kill each other. This wouldn't have been all that bad if it wasn't for the fact that Elizabeth took this as an opportunity to start screaming her head off and falling about on the sand like a child. So, I hit her over the back of the head with my sword (hey, can you blame me?) and stowed her in the dinghy. But while I was busy with this those two weirdoes (you know, the one with the eye and the one with the beard) scarpered off with the chest so I had a hell of a time trying to get it back and had to fight off a bunch of fish people (who, for the record, smelt worse than James).

But anyway we all got away ok and Elizabeth woke up in the boat demanding scones and jam. It wasn't until we were back out to sea that our real troubles began and oh yeah, my heart broke.


	5. Chapter 5

So now comes the part of my story that is truly painful to recall, and though, I suppose, one might say that it all turned out alright in the end, the memory of that day is never far from my mind.

So, we escaped the fish people and off we sailed. But, of course, Davy Jones (aka octopus head) was never one to give up without a fight. And fight he did. But everything would have been fine if it weren't for the Kraken.

It was absolutely, knee bucklingly, terrifying. However, there came a small glimmer, a slither, a splinter of hope. The one lifeboat. And the Pearl, our beloved Pearl would be lost forever.

Will and I were climbing into the lifeboat when it happened. We both chanced to look up on deck at the same time and what did we see? And it aches, even now, to recall. But I'm afraid for this story to be the whole truth, as I promised, I must relate to you what Will and I saw on the deck at that moment. Captain Jack Sparrow kissing Elizabeth Swan.

Neither of us spoke, we didn't need to, but I looked at my brother and he looked at me and for that one moment we were the same person. But this, dear reader, is not when my heart broke, though, I must admit, it was not in a healthy way.

But no, because once we were in the boat, waiting for our last two passengers and Will looked like he had been shot, and I was sure my face was no different. What happened? Elizabeth Swan got into the boat. Jack Sparrow did not.

"Where's Jack?" asked Will, I personally couldn't speak very fluently at this time.

"He's elected to stay behind to give us a chance." Said Elizabeth.

World = ended.

I screamed, I cried, I wailed, I bawled.

"Go!" shouted Elizabeth as Will tried desperately to hold me back before I climbed right back onto the Pearl with every intention of dragging Jack off with my own two hands if I had to.

But I didn't. I couldn't. I called his name over and over. And I swear to you, I heard him call back. I heard him yell "Alice".

I was never one to cry, but the tears on my face had their own agenda and for the first time in my life I didn't stop them. I wept and wept. I didn't know where I was, I didn't even notice we had moved until I looked up and saw the Pearl sinking, sinking with my Captain still on board. Then I just screamed for what seemed like days, though it can't have been that long. All the while Will's arms were around me and Elizabeth never even looked up.

Some hours, or days, or weeks later we came to Tia Dalma's and the room was eerily silent. I continued to sob, though quietly, in the corner. I never could manage to stop sobbing that day. And everyone else sat, like stone, watching Will attack Tia's furniture with his new pocket knife (A present from my father, that's a medallion and a knife, two up on me). Elizabeth was chucking back the rum like there was no tomorrow.

Will, who hadn't been able to look at Elizabeth since seeing her with Jack, came to me then, in that hour of need, the one time in my life when I ever looked to him for help. And he said, "If there was anything could be done."

And then well, Tia, dear old Tia, my best mate Tia, she says, "Well actually, there is something to be done, let's just go and fetch him from Davy Jones Locker." (well, in so many words anyway)

And we all said "Aye, that's a right top idea Tia." Accept Elizabeth who said "yes" because she likes to pretend she is cultured.

And then who should appear but good old Barbossa who made us all cringe when he tried to eat an apple and dribbled it all down his chin like a baby. Yuck.


	6. Chapter 6

So, the first step was to find some charts, so they sent Will off to do that (though why they didn't send his sister is beyond me, especially since they then had to send me to rescue Will when he never returned).

So we all went to Singapore right and Elizabeth, the idiot, was rowing along singing a song at the top of her lungs (I personally think she was starting to lose the plot by this point) and got herself attacked so I had to rescue her, _again. _But that was all fine and we found Will (he had been a bit preoccupied in the spa with the Singaporean concubines, Elizabeth was not impressed). Oh and, for the record, Elizabeth found another golden opportunity to take all her clothes off, AGAIN. Anyway we got a ship and off we went.

I can't say I had that much hope of ever seeing my dear Jack Sparrow again, no, I had by this point resigned myself to a lonely life at sea. But, of course, your heart will never listen to your brain if it can help it, and therefore when we were sailing out of Singapore in a ship headed for Davy Jones Locker, I must admit, I was a little hopeful that maybe I would see his face again before my life was up.

We sailed for weeks on end and I spent most of my time frozen solid in the crow's nest. Then we proceeded to fall of the edge of the earth, as it were.

So, we washed up on a beach. And Elizabeth, because she is a genius, said "I don't see Jack, I don't see anyone." and I said "Wow, brilliant observation Lizzie!" and she gave me that look, you know the one, the don't-call-me-Lizzie-that's-common-look.

But then I saw the most wonderful sight I have ever seen in my entire life. The Black Pearl sailing over the sand dunes, but that wasn't even the best part; the best part was the only person on board. Captain Jack Sparrow.

I suddenly felt very foolish. Relieved of course, and elated, but also somewhat embarrassed. It could have had something to do with the way I carried on when he died. But in all honesty, I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I had called his name that day from the lifeboat and he had called back, I was so sure he had called back at the time, but standing there on the beach I started to wonder whether he even knew I existed at all.

But all of this is immaterial to what happened directly after the Black Pearl appeared before us there on that beach at the ends of the earth. Because Jack came strolling up to us as if we were some kind of illusion. But even this is not what caused my fists to fly (and fly they did), because once he had regained what little sanity he had, Jack told us, the true reason why he had remained on board when the Kraken attacked. Because Elizabeth left him there.

That's right, Elizabeth Swan, Elizabeth I'm-so-lovely Swan, was a filthy, rotten, two-timing, murderer. And I told her as much before punching her in the face. Yep. That happened. Right in the face.

And then pretty much everyone agreed that she should be left behind as a punishment for her crimes. Will was the only one who disagreed. The little traitor.

The next leg of the journey Elizabeth spent below deck, with a rum bottle, trying to make the swelling around her eye go down.

I, on the other hand, spent it hanging out with Captain Jack who was exceedingly pleased that someone had finally hit that girl in the face. Together we (well, let's be honest, mostly me) worked out how to get back to the real world and once there we had a stroke of good luck where I managed to trade Elizabeth in for the Black Pearl! Result! Will was a bit upset by the whole thing so we chucked him in the brig. But even in the brig he was too annoying so Jack tossed him overboard.

So then, we headed to Shipwreck Cove where all the pirate lords were conversing about the best ways to run and hide. But then who should show up but Elizabeth bloody Swan, who no matter how many times you get rid of her always manages to come crawling back. This time she was dressed as some sort of princess – as if!

Then the worst thing in the world ever happened. Elizabeth was named Pirate King. Don't ask me why because I am just as baffled as you are I swear. But, King she was, and her first order of business was to send us off to war against Lord Beckett (who I think she has a bit of a thing for).

So Jack, Barbossa and Elizabeth headed off for a sand bank to talk war with Will, octopus head and Beckett. Will had hitched a ride with the enemy it turns out. And they came back, happy as Larry because Elizabeth had traded Jack in for my brother Will. I was pretty pissed off, I'm not going to lie. But they explained that it was all part of their plan. Meanwhile my mate Tia turned into a giant and then a bunch of crabs which was pretty strange.

And then the war began. And by war I mean a battle between two ships. Everyone else just sat and watched; placing bets on who they thought would win.


	7. Chapter 7

So, just to recap, Jack was on board the Dutchman and the rest of us were on the Pearl and we were all headed into the swirling vortex of terror kindly left to us by Tia.

So I wasted no time in swinging myself over to the Dutchman in the hopes of rescuing Jack. Lizzie and Will, on the other hand, decided that was the perfect time to get married. So while they were busy with their nuptials I was busy fighting off fish people left right and centre. I even bumped into my dad. It took him a while to recognise me, even when I asked him why he never sent me a present, but once he realised who I was, and stopped trying to kill me, all he said was "So William tells me you're in love with Jack Sparrow". Thanks bro.

Anyway, then who should come over but Barbossa (apparently the newlyweds were making him feel ill) and he joined me in my fight against the fish. Now I've never been a huge fan of Barbossa, mainly because he was always trying to kill Jack, who, I suppose I should tell you, I was head over heels in love with by this point in the story. Can you blame me?

Anyway, when we did finally find Jack he had the heart of Davy Jones in his hand (I know, gross right?) and you will not believe me when I tell you this, I myself could not believe it at the time. But firstly, I suppose I should explain what was going through my head in that moment, I had finally worked out why Jack had wanted to get on board the Dutchman, he had been planning all along to stab the heart, to become the Captain of the Flying Dutchman. To leave us all, to leave me, for a life of immortality. So all of this was running through my head as Jack stood there with the heart in his hand. But then, he looked at me, he looked right into my eyes, and I can't describe the look on his face clearly enough to you, but it was riddled with doubt, with fear, with what I thought might be affection, but mostly it was a face that was having second thoughts.

My face, on the other hand, looked like the one Will used to make when he saw Elizabeth in a new dress.

And Davy Jones saw, he saw me and he saw Jack looking at each other like this and he said "Ah, love…" and to this day I still don't know if he was just talking about me, or both of us.

But I didn't have time to ponder over his statement then because he lunged at me, and I don't know what happened next, I tried to fight him off but I didn't even have to because Barbossa had stabbed him from behind, not that it really made any difference, but Jones was getting a little sick of people stabbing him so he turned on Barbossa.

Barbossa didn't stand a chance. The sword was through his heart before I had even reached Jack's side. (And believe me, it never takes me long to do that).

So, Barbossa was dying, Jack was still frozen holding the heart, I was trying to assess the situation. And then my father showed up, the loon, and took the heart right out of Jack's hand with nothing but a "You be good to my daughter you hear?" and I was so embarrassed I almost forgot that there were several people trying to kill me on board that ship.

So, and this is where it gets really exciting, my Dad takes Jack's knife, puts it in Barbossa's hand and stabs the heart with it, (which was lucky because at the time I was the only thing between Jones' sword and Captain Jack).

So Jack grabbed me then, and for a second I hoped he might kiss me, but no such luck, instead he made a parachute out of one of sails and he flew back to the Pearl.

When we got there Will and Elizabeth had disappeared below deck and the rest of the crew were anxious to skedaddle. But instead we decided to stay and destroy Beckett's ship first, which we did, with a little help from the Dutchman, fish-free and captained by Barbossa.

So, we had a little party, that went for several days and then we headed for Tortuga again to stock up on rum.

I suppose you are hoping for a happy ending here, but I'm afraid I have no such thing for you.

So you see, we were on board the Pearl, berthed in Tortuga. After a night of dancing Gibbs had fallen asleep on the quay. I'm not sure where Jack was. But Will and Elizabeth, who had finally emerged from their cabin informed us that they were taking the ship. Yep, the witless wonders had decided on a mutiny.

I, of course, was not keen on the idea, so they told me I had the choice to stay with them, and they would leave in the next ten minutes, or stay with Jack, which everyone found highly amusing.

So I jumped off the Pearl and started sprinting around Tortuga, yelling Jack's name. I searched for him everywhere until I was sure the ten minutes were long over and I ran back to the dock. I saw Gibbs; he was walking with a girl on each arm.

"Where's Jack?" I asked (though yelled would be a better word)

He merely pointed at the quayside.

I was there in less than a minute. The Pearl was gone. So was Jack. I could still see his dingy and I called his name one final time. I don't know if he heard me or not. Either way, he didn't stop.


End file.
